oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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