We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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