So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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