Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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