I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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