Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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