Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
