you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
