Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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