I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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