dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I smell like Dick and happiness
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
