I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
