therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
