Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
