My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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