Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
