I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
