the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
