so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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