Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
