thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
kristin has been a bad kristin
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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