My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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