Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
