I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
