Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize