Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
