Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
