I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
17 year olds will be the death of me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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