why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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