you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
