what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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