I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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