Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
