hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
