The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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