So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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