it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
handjob tips. give me some.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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