Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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