She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
