Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize