Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
