I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
