just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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