My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize