My hair reeks of homosexuality.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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