My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
