I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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