if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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