Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I have tasted many bathrooms
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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