I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize