Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
