I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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