i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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