U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
