i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
