But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
