he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
