This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
