it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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