I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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