First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
