Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
