I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Damn victory sex feels great
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm both gender and math confused
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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