The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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